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Longing.

31 May

Far northern California reminds me so much of rural Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Vermont.  Vast expanses of rocky, rolling mountains covered in the green of spring- the neon of new grasses, bright yellows and purples of the first wildflowers, budding trees and fresh leaves, and the ever-present anchor of the evergreens as far as the eye can see.  As we drive to Klamath, CA- just south of the Oregon border on the Pacific coast, I find myself feeling a bit of longing for the familiarity of the east coast.  This hasn’t happened since we’ve been on the road- at least not at a time when we couldn’t change our plans and quell our desire to be… wherever.  But right now we have solid plans- the Life is Good Conference at the end of the month, friends who have become family awaiting us in British Columbia, Tough Mudder at the end of June, and an Alaskan Cruise/RV to Denali National Park in July.  Not a bad lineup.

I haven’t ‘missed’ anything in a really long time.  It’s an uncomfortable feeling that calls me back to a focus on the present.  What is it about now that isn’t sitting right?  Why the longing?  Generally when I feel I need something – food, sugar, place, person – there is a void that I am not recognizing. 

Lately I have been noticing recurring thoughts of the future.  What will the next adventure be?  How long will we RV?  Will we go abroad?  How?  For how long?  Will the kids decide, at some point, that they want to be stationary?  Will Chris or I?  What if I never fulfill my dream of farming?  Is this a real dream or a romanticized one?  If we did settle down, where would it be?  Is traveling going to continue to be financially feasible?  Would settling down end up being more expensive?

When I look at the questions in print, I recognize fear.  Fear of the future.  Fear of the unknown.  It’s familiar and familiar feels good no matter how bad it feels…  But I know I don’t have the answers.  And I don’t need them.  I am brilliantly happy with my life.  Maybe that’s where the questioning comes in.  A deep breath waiting for the other shoe to drop?  And yet I’m here because of choices made with a focus on living in the present moment rather than the more common sacrificial perspective in which we spend most of our lives waiting, saving, and planning for moments too short or that may never come at all.  The spotlight falls on… being open.  Seizing opportunities.  Staying still when it feels right.  Moving, seeing, doing when we want.  Honoring the changes in ourselves and each other.  Recognizing that we create our lives and choice creates empowered joy.  We always have a choice.

safe haven

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6 Comments

Posted by on May 31, 2012 in California, RV, Travel log

 

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6 responses to “Longing.

  1. mary beth

    May 31, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    test? if this works I will try to rewrite the very long response I tried to post to no avail earlier. sheesh.

     
    • Sarah

      May 31, 2012 at 7:14 pm

      Oh, yes! It works. Looking forward to your response. Sorry it didn’t work before! Sheesh, indeed.

       
  2. mary beth

    May 31, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    OK. I am in!

    Hey, Sarah. We miss you in Texas!

    Which is sort of the point of this comment…

    Of course you miss things, people, places! You have been making amazing connections. This, in no way reflects lack on your part; it shows what a rich, connected, fullfilled life you are living! I miss you not because I am lacking you. I miss you because you are a blessing to me when you are here.

    And what about those questions regarding the future? I see this as a beautiful expression of the power of your intuition. How amazing that your consciousness would be called to pay attention to all of these potential futures! Isn’t that how you got where you are? Living on the road? You had to have done some creative calculations about your potential futures when you dared to make this huge leap. What would make NOW any different? I believe that your futures are calling you to “pay attention!”

    I may be completely wrong, which is fine. However, I wonder if you are questioning your questioning? I don’t think it is fear or doubt; it is wisdom. You can use these supposed intrusive thoughts/questions in an honoring way, to see the gifts that they give.

    I so love following your travels. A part of me wishes I could be there, doing what you do. But, alas, I have a teenager. His social life cements us to where we are, as it should. This our bliss and one day we may do what you are doing. (And one day, you may do what we are doing, for the same reason.)

    Just my .02 worth.

    You and your family are an inspiration, on the road or not.

    Much love,
    Mary Beth

     
  3. Sarah

    May 31, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    Thank you, Mary Beth! Great perspective. When all the questions come at once, it can be overwhelming/fear invoking but I think that is mostly because I feel the need to answer them. It is an amazing thing to consider some of the many possibilities and recognize that any and all of these can and may be our reality at any point. Look where we are, right? Wow.
    I miss you, too. :) And hearing your ‘voice’ response is so warming. <3

     
  4. Melissa Cantrelle

    June 1, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Fabulously said Sarah! By your and Mary Beth’s comments I’m inspired to share a language upgrade I heard once and still cherish … when we “miss” someone or something, we are really “deeply noticing our love” for that person or thing. I love this upgrade because it removes the sense of lack or longing from my vibration and helps me stand more firmly in the present moment of appreciation. I deeply notice my love for you and our in-person sharings AND I am hugely grateful for the moments you take to blog and FB about your journey so that I may experience life through your eyes and heart. Thank you for being you, in all the ways you show up, in each of our shared moments of forever being in “the unknown”. Oh! And I’ll give you one of my current favorite belief / catch phrases that helps quell any of those pesky “fears of the unknown” … Things Have A Way Of Working Out Wonderfully!

     
  5. Sarah

    June 2, 2012 at 11:54 am

    “Deeply noticing our love.”
    Awesome, Melissa. I read this yesterday and have been sitting with it. This awareness has inspired me to notice all of the people/places that I deeply love. And, ooh, that feels good. As my physical world gets bigger and bigger, there is the possibility of feeling spread thin- not being able to be as present or near to those I love. And yet I notice that with those with whom I have deep connection, there is never a break in our space together – no matter the distance or time. Flow is wonderfully amazing.

    Thank you so much for your presence in my life and on my blog. :)

     

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